little bitty girl

I have to warn everyone RIGHT NOW that this is a going to be a long, convulated example of me having verbal diarrhea and if you're not interested, then just don't read this.

So, in a fit of insanity I went to the gym today at 6:30 am. It all has to do with a promise that I made to myself about how my chic-chic poo poo gym costs me so much money and I have to go to the gym at least three times a week to make it worth my money. But with me travelling so much, I felt like I needed to make up for lost time or whatever.

I went to spin, my ass and thighs hurt so much and here is where I inject something that has nothing to do with this story - I go to the gym not to have a fabulous body, although sometimes I really wish my all my work outs would translate to a beautiful body, but really I go to the gym so I can eat whatever the hell I want and practice my beer lifting skills without resembling a hippo. Yeah, that and I can run for longer now, but that's just a side effect that bears no weight in my decision to go.

The gym being very chic-chic poo-poo tends to attract a lot of different people, usually the vain and beautiful who only want to keep their competition close. And then, there is a small handful of us "rebels" who go because it literally is right next door to our offices and we're too lazy to go anywhere else. CHEERS TO THE RORERS, KELLERS and GRACES.

I am very fascinated by the beautiful people in my gym. The beautifuls all converge wearing their $250 lululemon (there was a sample sale today for that line that was two blocks long and people were waiting outside in the freezing cold for TWO HOURS! For WORKOUT WEAR! WHO DOES THAT?) outfits and literally, as far as I know spend their entire lives at the gym. Some of them APPLY makeup before working out! (I sweat all over my $2.99 Old Navy tanks, thank you very much)

Anyways, a lot of the girls also seem to have fake (ahem) breasts. They may not admit that they are, but they are. Guys, when you see a small framed woman with big gazongas and the titties are saluting you, they ARE NOT REAL, NO MATTER WHAT THE WOMAN TELLS YOU. Anyways, in my tired stupor after spin, I went to take a shower and get dressed for work.(where I swear to God, there was a woman at the vanity mirror who took 30 minutes, the time it took me to get dressed and ready, to put on just her MAKEUP!) Anyways, as I was sleepily packing up my stuff to go to work, a taller, more endowed woman was next to me and nearly took one of my eyes out with her fake tit.

And lemme tell you, if the tit in the eye doesn't wake you up in a hurry, nothing will.