little bitty girl

I don't really remember what it was really like to be single. There, I've said it. Sometimes, I feel like a bad friend when I am talking to my handful of friends who are. When the hell did we all hook up and start living in sin? (Except for Syl, who recently got engaged to wonderful Jamie, whom we all love, so we approve.)

It just feels lately that all our conversations, that used to be very Sex In The City, are more like Crap in the Bathroom. A typical conversation will start off with "Does he clean the washroom but somehow manage to miss EVERY dirty spot?" I honestly never thought this would happen and the thing is, I feel like "coupledom" sneaked up on me. In my mind, I feel like Stef and I just started dating, but yesterday I realized that it's almost been five years! (Where the hell is my RING, buddy? JUST JOKING! DON'T FREAK OUT!) And I'm NOT BORED!

And to me, that's the most amazing part. You see, I sometimes feel I have A.D.D. since nothing holds my attention for too long and that also goes for relationships. But I think that with Stefan, I met him at a time where I really was not interested in dating anyone, yet we just immediately got along so well that I thought, what the heck? I'll give it a whirl, and if it doesn't work, it just doesn't. And because I wasn't in a "relationship" frame of mind, I was really honest with him about what I expected in a relationship and what I was willing to give back to one, and if he wasn't down with that, then fine, but just DON'T WASTE MY TIME!

Another thing that helped was, by that point in time, I had surrounded myself with a great group of independent, strong girlfriends and we were all of the same frame of mind; that your partner doesn't ever complete you, you're already complete on your own. Partners just make life more interesting.

I hope that I'm not sounding like a Smug-Married a la Bridget Jones, as I really don't mean to. Because I always felt that I "just started" dating Stef, that in some ways I was still that single girl, dating. Now that all this time has passed (without me even realizing it) I am now aware that I've lost touch with how hard it really is to meet someone when all your friends are in "coupledom." And it is! WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD MEN GONE? And why aren't you dating my fabulous, single girlfriends?

It's a weird time, because my single friends are at the age where their careers are taking off, and they are truly coming into their own, and the guys our age are facing the impending big 3-0 (men's new midlife crisis, more on this later) and turn into complete gits. And what kind of strong woman wants to shackle herself with a git?

I think that whether you're in "singledom" or "couplehood" there are always challenges that we face in either of those states. Charise, a recently single girlfriend, commented that she now has to practice her whole life story because the person she's meeting for coffee for the first time will not know who she is. I, on the other hand, face a different challenge - like if I am about to do something bad, like pounce on Mindy to smother her with kisses, inevitably Stef, who will be in a completely different room will yell, "Stop smothering the cat!" He knows TOO MUCH!

At least with my single friends, I get to vicariously live their "singledoms" like the anxiety of the first date, butterflies of the first kiss etc. I don't think anyone wants to live vicariously through my "whose turn is it to clean the kitty litter" moments!

It's the whole grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome.