little bitty girl

Isn't it sad that the only certainty that we have in life is death? But there it is. I was told today that a dear friend has lost her grandfather and my heart goes out to her. I come from a very large, tight knit, extended family and even though I had been exposed to death and funerals at a very young age, it's something that I have never gotten used to; and I don't think I ever will.

It makes me think of my grandfather and his death. I always think that it's much less time since he's been gone but my mum assures me that it's been almost 8 years. My grandfather was in many ways a very typical Asian grandfather, he would only show his affection through gruffness. My mum was particularly close to him, and I think they both truly loved the relationship that they had with each other. Especially since I don't think he was such a good dad to her when she was growing up.

My grandfather died of cancer and it truly is one of the worst ways to go. Towards the end, it was almost a blessing that he didn't have much more time as it was so hard seeing him in so much pain. Even when he was in pain, he still retained his sense of humour. I remember my brother Kenny and I taking him for a walk around the ward, and a comely nurse stopped to ask how he was and he just nodded his head and smiled. Then he turned to us and said in Chinese, "You see that nurse? She has the hots for me!"

Many people were shocked and are still shocked at my decision not to see my grandfather during the last days. I guess I am like my mother in many ways, as she decided to leave the country. I think for my mum, she just really couldn't physically be there to see the man that she had worked so hard to have a relationship with, waste away. For me, I just remembered what it was like when I watched my grandfather's brother waste away from cancer and how up 'til today, it's still the only memory I have of him. And I really wanted to remember my grandpa the way I knew him and I am glad to say that I have never regretted my decision. In my mind, he still stands strong. And I really do think my grandfather understood and respected our decisions also, it was something that we both (my mum and I) had talked to him about.

Unfortunately, I have no words of advice on how my friend should deal with her grief. We all deal with it in our own personal and private ways. I can only assure her that the pain does lessen with time and I truly believe that there is something after, and I hope that one day I will see all my loved ones again. Until then, we go on the best way we can.