I always look forward to my weekends at home because I have all these thoughts in my head of what I plan to do with my "free" time. I should really be used to the fact that the weekend is never really my own.
The reason why I cannot be a gossip columnist is because I feel guilt after. I am sure Jennifer Aniston is not a seven. I am sure she is absolutely lovely in person. And I am sure she and Brad Pitt are going through a very, very hard time in their lives. Heartbreak, divorce, all those "bumps" in life are always hard to deal with. For all their money in the world, I wouldn't like to face it as them. So kudos to them for not slinging mud at each other in public and trying to keep it cool.
I sometimes wish I could write a gossip column. I know I shouldn't be so fascinated by something so insipid and worthless such as celebrity watching but I really can't help it. Who's funding those In Touch mags? It's me, baby... oh well. Anyways, here is what is happening in the gossip world that I know of and what I think.
I am not really sure why we Canadians celebrate Queen Victoria Day when most Canadians don't even remember who she is. However, I am always glad for a long weekend so I am definitely not going to complain. And in our own way, we've made the holiday our own. 2-4 being the amount of beer in a case(a truly Canadian thing) and for Ontarians, the official opening of cottage season.
It's the end! Can you believe it? I promise not to talk about such long topics ever again, unless one comes up.... like S.B.J (Marie, ya get what I mean? wink! wink!) Ok, enough with the nonsense, here goes -
For the love of Marie and Stefan who mutually (trust me, people this NEVER happens) agreed that the last was far too long, I will do this last bit in two parts.
I have to commend Stef. As you all know by now, that I am always bemoaning his lack of love for food. I can never understand this particular stubborness of his and he can never understand my obsession for it. He is always berating me for always following the dictates of my stomach because I tend to buy and eat whatever I feel like despite cost or season. I have been known to come home with three heritage tomatoes in the middle of winter. And the bloody things cost $15 for 3!!
Will the rain never cease its torment? It has been raining for what feels to be forever to me. Before I left for my trip out west it had been raining steadily for two weeks. While I was out west, it rained in every city that I hit and now more. It's enough to drive a person insane.
I've been known to swear occasionally. Actually, I swear a lot. I think it's really healthy for you. For some odd reason my mum thinks that if she makes soulful cow eyes and tsks! tsks! loud enough it will make me mend my ways.
When I was in grade nine, I had a mini crush on this red-headed jock named Sean. I believe it was my girlfriend, D'Arcy (but I am not a hundred percent so don't hate her after you've read this) who grimaced and said, "You can't like a redhead! Can you just imagine the colour of his pubes?"
You know how I always say that I am friendly to random strangers and Stefan is always cautioning me not to be and I always call him a cold fish? Well, I think this is the first time my friendliness has ever backfired on me. I was in a cab on my way to the hotel, doing my usual exchange of pleasantries when the driver asked me whether I liked my siblings. I replied that I did quite a lot, even though sometimes I think they can be Neanderthals.
Why do hotels insist that you need fresh towels and sheets EVERY SINGLE DAY? It is such a waste of water and electricity and it does nothing but annoy me to no end when they do so. Especially when I have requested that they don't change or wash the sheets or towels.
Mothers truly are incredible creatures. They have the wonderful ability to always sense when something is wrong, when you're about to do something bad, to shake off insults when as a mean teenager you've said something so horrendously spiteful to them, to eat all the stuff on your plate that you don't want to eat and best of all, to have the patience of a saint. The best thing is also their incredible versatility to be mother figures to others.
I have been on a whirlwind tour of the western part of our country and for those of you who don't live in Canada, it's a big ass country. It takes a long time to get from one place to another. In the time that it takes me to fly to Vancouver, it takes almost the same amount of time to go to London, England. New things I have discovered on this trip -
As you all know, I am a huge fan of Dooce and lately she's been talking a lot about poop. Actually, she talks a lot about it in general. Anyways, this last particular entry, May 4th - The one thing we KNOW she inherited from me made me recollect a distant childhood memory.
AAAARGH! Just totally discovered another issue with much lauded new haircut! Everytime I lean the back of my head too long on a spot, the ultra short layers get pushed and stay that way making the back of my head look like a chicken backside! People always think straight hair is so easy but it's like paper, my friends, bend it and it will look like origami. Have to go douse my head in water....
Flubberlicious - meaning To be flabby and full of blubber but still delicious
All my life, I have been boyish and angular. This was particularly apparent when in high school, friends developed boobs and hips and I remained the same, a rectangle. Today, as I was walking down the street, I caught a reflection of myself and realized that I am no longer a rectangle but a PEAR! You know, in the fashion magazines they have all these dumb names to describe a woman's body shape. Well, a pear basically means you're titless and you have a large backside. Or at least a little disproportionate in the hip-butt area compared to the rest of you.