little bitty girl

It's the end! Can you believe it? I promise not to talk about such long topics ever again, unless one comes up.... like S.B.J (Marie, ya get what I mean? wink! wink!) Ok, enough with the nonsense, here goes -

36) Drink a bottle of 1947 Cheval Blanc

Not a bad life is it Tim? Available from Fine and Rare Wines Limited (020 8960 1995), approx 1,058 pounds a bottle

Once again, the drink thing doesn't appeal to me especially since I am slightly allergic to tanins in wine... Which is rather sad as I used to love drinking wine....

37) Do the Grand Tour

Several of our contributors voted for a gastronomic tour of the South of France, ensuring a visit to the restaurants of Marc Veyrat, Les Troisgros, Michel Bras and the Pourcel brothers. Oh really, can't you think of any other way to spend your last few hours on earth than stuffing yourself with plates of uptight 'towers and drizzles' cooking? Personally, I'd rather have a nice plate of teacakes and a pot of tea at Bettys in Harrogate.
La Maison de Marc Veyrat, 13 Vieille Route des Pensieres, Veyrie du Lac, France (00 33 4 50 60 24 00), Les Troisgros, Place Jean Troisgras, Roanne, France (00 33 4 77 71 66 97), Michel Bras, Route de l'Aubrac, Laguoile, France (00 33 5 65 51 18 20), Le Jardin des Sens (Pourcel Brothers), 11 Avenue Saint-Lazare, Montpellier, France (00 33 4 99 58 38 38), Bettys of Harrogate, 1 Parliament St, Harrogate (01423 502746)

What is wrong with this author? The Grand Tour sounds way better than the crusty crumpets and tea but chacon son gout, I supposed. Being Asian, my last hours on earth spent eating would be over various different kinds of noodle soup....mmmm.... spicy lemongrass soup with all sorts of seafood, crunchy bean sprouts and a dash of lime juice....

38) Go out for a duck

Jay Rayner recommends eating your own numbered duck at La Tour D'Argent in Paris. Since 1890 this establishment has been serving a whole Challandais duck for two people, in a duck jus enriched with cognac, madeira and foie gras. Each duck is numbered, and the tag presented to the diner. In 1921 Emperor Hirohito of Japan ate number 53,321, and returned 50 years later to enjoy number 423,900. The one millionth duck was served in 2003.
La Tour d'Argent, 15-17 Quaide la Tournelle, Paris (00 33 1 43 54 23 31)

Me no likey duck too much. It's fatty....

39) Visit Pierre Gagnaire in Paris

Not another bloody three-star yawnathon? Well, actually no. Pierre Gagnaire's Paris restaurant is the real thing. The most elegant restaurant imaginable continues to surprise and delight with its constantly changing menu. The food there just gets better and better.
Pierre Gagnaire, 6 Rue Balzac, Paris (00 33 1 58 36 12 50)

Sigh! Another dream to dream. If I ever bloody make it over to the continent!

40) Bake a loaf of bread

Sooner rather than later, you really must bake a loaf of bread. There are few things that feel the same as having taken your own loaf out of the oven, tapped its bottom and heard the tell-tale hollow sound of a perfectly cooked loaf. If your loaf is a true San Francisco-style sourdough then all the better.

Let me tell you what is better than this. When your MAMA bakes a loaf of bread and you get the first slice out of the oven before your greedy brothers...

41) Visit Highgrove

HRH's perfect organic farm is how things should be in an ideal world, from the humanely reared and slaughtered cattle and pigs to the pesticide-free oats and reed-bed sewage system for both humans and cows. However, most operators don't have his bottomless pockets.
To visit you must apply to the Prince of Wales Office, St James's Palace, London SW1A 1AA

Interesting... Who would have thought you could do that?

42) Take coffee at Caffe Florian OK it's a bit touristy, but there really is only one Florian's (founded in 1720) and this is the place to sit and watch Venice go by. You will pay dearly for your tiny espresso, and may be even slightly disappointed, but you will still have taken part in one of Europe's oldest foodie pastimes. Caffe Florian, Piazza San Marco, Venice (00 39 41 520 5641)

How about tea instead? Is that permissible, I wonder for the non-coffee drinkers...

43) Attend Holi Festival

Atul Kochhar of London's Benares restaurant implores everyone to experience Holi, India's spring festival. With the flowers and fields in bloom, India goes wild with people running around smearing each other with water and brightly coloured powder. The festival celebrates good harvests and fertility so huge bonfires are burnt in which new spring vegetables are cooked, followed by a huge barbecue amid songs, dances, processions and a general sense of abandonment. Sounds just like my local.

YA baby!! This is what I am talking about. Lots of noise and activity and FIRE!! Doesn't get any better...

44) Catch a lobster

Christopher Gilmour of Christopher's, the Enterprise and Pomino, wouldn't want anyone to leave this earth with enjoying a freshly caught, grilled lobster with melted butter on Nantucket Island.

I would try to do this but then Stef would just try to let it go. He already does this with our store bought lobsters. Being a non-lobster eater, if we don't watch him, we'll find him out in the garden with the lobsters and him saying, "Run for your lives!!"

45) Stuff yourself with caviar

A favourite pastime of Gordon Ramsay. He recommends the caviar of the rare albino sturgeon (up to £22,000 a kilo), served preferably on a warm blini with crème fraiche. Presumably to the sound of angels playing trumpets.

I don't think that I've had enough caviar to appreciate it in its fullness. Something that I must rectify...

46) Squeeze a fresh pineapple

Andrew Turner, executive head chef, at 1880 at the Bentley Kempinksi says: 'If I didn't have long to live and had the chance to do something special, it would have to be in Lanai, Hawaii. I would be on the beach with the sun setting, sitting looking out to sea with my family and friends. I would have a local pineapple picker who has selected half a dozen chilled super ripe/slightly fermenting pineapples bursting with sugar. He would then press them and serve a long high ball of pineapple cider. The taste is like no other in the world.'

hmmmmm...

47) Kill a pig Fino, just off London's Charlotte Street is one my favourite places . Sam Hart, the owner enthuses about Matanza, the mid-winter Spanish tradition of killing the village pig then feasting on its offal.

Ya, don't think so. I can't even envision killing a chicken much less a whole pig. Plus have you never seen those cute Telus ads with a piglet, you cold hearted monster!

48) Milk a cow

Not just a humbling experience, but some say a sensual one, too. Milking a cow is something I was certainly taught to do at school, but now I am not sure most kids even know where milk comes from, let alone how to get at it.

Did this also in Science day trip. Nothing sensual about milking a cow with diarrhea, my friend...

49) Catch an elver

Stuart Gillies, head chef at the Boxwood Café at the Berkeley suggests fishing for elvers. These baby, or 'glass', eels are available for a mere six-week season during the spring. Fished at night from the river Severn in Gloucestershire they are a rare delicacy, fetching upwards of 500 pounds per kilo. He offers them quickly fried with watercress butter on toast. Fabulous! Sounds a bit like posh whitebait to me.
Seasonally available from Severn and Wye Smokery, Chaxhill, Gloucestershire (01452 760 190)

Don't knock the eel. Ever tried Unagi on rice? Yummy yummy...

50) Go for a pee at Felix

Felix, at Hong Kong's Peninsula hotel is simply the place to go for an after-dinner pee. Not only does the bar boast a seductive interior with dining tables that glow, but has spectacular views. Designing the lavatories was clearly what interested Philippe Starck the most. The men's room has a floor to ceiling glass wall offering dazzling views of the Kowloon skyline with an all-glass urinal ranged along it, for an authentic master-of-the-universe experience.
Felix at the Peninsula hotel, Salisbury Road, Kowloon (00 852 2920 2888)

Funny thing. One of my favourite things about checking new restaurants is checking out their washrooms. Because sometimes these people spend so much time and money on everything else and their washrooms look like high school lavatories. Utterly bewildering!

And finally...fast
A last word of sound advice from Evening Standard food critic Fay Maschler.