little bitty girl

I am not sure what it is about me, and I assure you that I do not do this out of spite, but I love to teach Stefan non-useful words from my language. I can speak a mixture of Chinese, Malaysian and English. Growing up in Asia, where everyone speaks at least three languages or dialects, it is not uncommon to mix them up. It makes for very funny conversations. At least, it sounds like that to the ear.

My parents and I still talk to each other in this mix of languages and we will talk about Stefan in front of him. But we don't do this to be rude, we're simply trying to immerse him in it. Plus, if it's obvious someone is talking about you, you'll tend to pay more attention.

Stefan's been really good at picking up words and gists of conversations. There have been times when my mum has asked me in Malaysian to get the serving plates down and Stef will just come from the living room and say," You know she's too short to reach it!" and get them for me.

You would think that I would teach Stefan normal things like how to say, "How are you?" or "Good to meet you." The first word he learnt was busuk which means smelly. Then he picked up other nonsense words and the latest addition is ketiak, which is armpit.

The only downside to it all, is that many of my cousins who have also married people of other cultures, managed at one time or the other to trick them into saying something bad to my grandma. We've all always gone along with it, a la My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I have been a practical jokester since I was little and having Stef who is THE WHITEST BOY ALIVE, just put this part of me in overdrive. I was very excited to bring him to family gatherings.

Unfortunately for me, Stefan is too wise to my tricks. The first time I tried to get him to say something to my grandma, it was at her annual birthday party. I told him to say, "Lu punya tetek banyak besar" which actually means "Your tits are huge!" and told him it meant "I wish you a very long life." He asked my surrounding cousins, who was of NO HELP AT ALL and started peeing their pants with laughter. One of my brothers spat up his food.

The second time was at the next annual birthday party where I tried to get him to tell her that her pussy was very smelly. This earned me a smack across the head from my mum and an ear pull from one of my aunts. ONCE AGAIN, no help from surrounding cousins.

Now, Stefan refuses to say anything to my grandma in Chinese, not even "How are you?" because he's completely convinced that I am making it up. This is DESPITE the fact that he hears everyone saying it to her. NOT EVERYONE can be telling her she sucks at the same time. Anyways, I feel completely cheated out of my perfectly white boyfriend and the potential fun I could have had at his expense.

The thing is, it's not as if my grandma would think it was his fault. She would know exactly where to place the blame, because no one in their right mind would ever think Stefan could have come out with it on his own. I really wish he would indulge me already as another birthday is coming up.