little bitty girl

I've been a little quiet and reflective these past couple of weeks.

I haven't been able to get this out of my head so I thought it would be cathartic for me, if I shared what I've been feeling.

When I was in Vancouver, Boutsy informed me that one of our former university mates, Jocelyn Juriansz had been ruthlessly murdered by her boyfriend late last year. She wondered whether I had known; since Jocelyn was in the fashion marketing program and I had more classes with her than Boutsy did.

Although Jocelyn and I were never very close, we were always friendly with each other. After we both had left school, we would often bump into each other during work functions and she was always as she was - jubilant and bright.

I know a lot of people tend to say really nice things about someone once that person is gone but in all honesty, anyone who ever met Jocelyn just thought she was incredible. I remember the last time we saw each other. I had been with a girlfriend who was not a part of our school crowd. Not surprisingly, Jocelyn knew her as well and we all had a quick catch up and with a bright smile and a jaunty wave, she was off to meet some other friend.

My girlfriend and I looked at each other bemusedly, not surprised that we both knew her. Jocelyn was just one of the most joyful people I had ever met and people were just so drawn to her.

Even looking at pictures of her now, it is unbelievable to me that she is no longer here. I can't imagine how incredibly painful it must be for her family and her close friends to deal with it, if I, a mere acquaintance could be so affected.

What makes me so furious and heartsick is that she is now the second young woman in three years, that I have personally known who has lost her life to the hand's of a boyfriend. The first was a former co-worker.

I don't understand how anyone much less someone whom you have a relationship with, could ever do such a thing. And yet, I know that this is a really big issue in our society. Women often die in the hands of someone they know. With my co-worker, I just thought her death was just some awful random tragedy. But now with Jocelyn, this is more than a terrible co-incidence.

And I find that this experience has changed me. I've always told my single friends that it's great to play the field, how dating is such an adventure and you never know what you'll find. I now find myself worriedly analyzing their dates' behaviors, silently praying, "Please let him be a decent guy. Please let him not be some secret psycho. Please pick up when I call."

And yet, I don't want myself and my friends to live in fear. I want those who have not found their life partners to not settle for the first "nice guy" they meet. I want them to find what I have with Stefan. And trust me, I had to kiss quite a number of toads to find my frog prince.

I have no divine revelation or wise thoughts from this whole thing. All I know is that life is so short, unpredictable and precious. All I can do is try to live it well.