little bitty girl

Dear Stefan,

A year ago today, I stood with you facing the sea while a thunderstorm was brewing and we vowed to be together for the rest of our lives.

When we first got married, I seriously didn't think that anything would be different. After all, we had co-habited in sin for so long that marriage was just the next eventual step. All of our guy friends joked how it was all "downhill" from here on.

But oh! how you love to surprise me.

When I look back on it, all those dating years it feels like there was a part of you that held back 10% of your true self until you knew for sure, that I was yours. Because this year? This year was a whole different ball game and sometimes I have to stop and think to myself,"Who is this guy?" Don't get me wrong. As my boyfriend, girls would just sigh and tell me how lucky I was. As my husband, I have everyone from my grandma to acquaintances wanting to pay money for you.

What a wonderful, tremendous year it's been!

You've fulfilled all the personal vows you've made to me and so much more.

You buy me flowers for no reason at all. You definitely never did that when we were dating. Other than that time when you bought carnations and I told you, carnations reminded me of death (I'm so NOT romantic). Or when you ordered expensive flowers from a florist and couldn't really get what the fuss was all about. Now, you not only buy them for me, you go and you handpick them out and put them together because you know that I love to do that myself.

I wake up every morning to kisses and you telling me how beautiful I am and how much you love me. Mind you, you've kind of always done that but I now realize how other girls don't get this. I had no idea I was so lucky.

When I fall asleep in my clothes, you painstakingly undress me and help me put my pajamas on. This is despite the fact that I have never been a patient person when someone tries to rouse me from my sleep and often flail, punch, kick and grumble. I asked you once why you bother and you said,"I know how much you hate being uncomfortable" and I love that you just KNOW how much I really detest (really, really detest) not being comfortable.

I once told Marie all the crazy things I do to you - like waking you up at three to ponder over hypothetical situations, or being so obsessive compulsive over certain things for short periods of time, or how competitive I am with you that I'll make you play games over and over until I win. She said as much as she loved me, she thought I was insane and she doesn't know how you haven't yet killed me.

But you just look at me when I've done something crazy or have been neurotic and you laugh. You hug me hard and tell me how you think I am so funny and I love that you like me for who I am, neurosis and all.

You've also made me into this incredibly sappy person (so unlike me! I like to be Ms. Tough Girl) but with you, I have no walls. You are the person I most want to be with in the world. When it's just you, me and Mindy lying in bed on a lazy afternoon, I think to myself,"This is bliss."

I have never laughed or enjoyed quiet moments with anyone as much as I do with you. You humble me with your love, kindness and caring.

You've made me fall in love with you all over again.

And I know that it will not always feel like this. That there will be days where you drive me insane and I will sometimes wish you were not around. There will be fights, and feelings hurt. There will be times when we're not the first priorities in each other's lives (hello? hence the hold off on children, as I am far too selfish to share you right now).

But when those days happen, I hope I'll remember exactly how you made me feel this first year of marriage and that we'll both stay true. I can't imagine the rest of my life without you. Please let's try live another 90 years (although I am still not sure whether that will be enough for me).

Love, Karen

photos:my favourite one handed pictures of us taken in the last year