little bitty girl

Dearest Stefan,

7 years! I can barely believe it. Do you feel the itch? I don't feel one at all. If anything you enthrall and interest me more and more everyday. You're always making me laugh, assuring me when I need it, and you constantly challenge my mind. Knowing my A.D.D-ness, you would have thought that I would have gotten distracted by now, but you still completely fascinate me. What I appreciate most of all, is that you make sure that I begin every day and end every night knowing that I am loved.

Do you remember what you told me when we first started dating? You told me that you had never told any girl you dated that you "loved" her. For you, those words were sacred and that you would not ever say those words to anyone, unless you were completely and utterly in love with them. I knew I should have run away then.

I was so taken aback by your bluntness but I appreciated your honesty. In fact, at the back of my mind I was a little arrogant about it. I'm lovable, right? I would have you saying it in three months, I thought to myself. A couple of years passed, and still no "L" word. My girlfriends were all telling me that they would not have been able to deal with that sort of emotional coldness. I kept on telling them that deep in my heart, I knew you were the one for me.

And then, you finally said it.

It was our third New Year's Eve together. It was so unexpected that I didn't say anything back. In fact, I think I just pretended that you hadn't said anything at all. We just let it pass. Until a couple of days later, I noticed that you were getting considerably cooler and quieter (how you get when you're annoyed) as time went by. When I finally asked you what your problem was, you said," I told you I loved you and you didn't say anything back." I confessed that the words so longed for, was so unexpected that I didn't want to overwhelm you with my happiness of it. I mentioned that I was still recovering from the shock, and whether you could give me a week to get over it.

Your mum even told me after we had been dating for five years, that she always despaired over your inability to say those words. She was afraid that you were emotionally retarded. (Hah! Your mum called you retarded!) But she knew I was THE ONE because I was the only girl you've told that you love. She wanted to know whether we could hurry it up and get married already.

I never get tired of hearing those words. I hear it a lot. I never feel like you ever say it out of obligation or habit. You always say it with the same meaning, as if you're saying it for the first time. I feel really special that you've never loved anyone but me. I think you're a little insane for doing so, but that's your problem. I hope you know that when I say it back, I feel the same.

Love,

Karen