little bitty girl

I know, I keep on making these really abrupt random announcements. I just cannot get into the habit to post more frequently. But I really am not myself these days.

You see, Stefan has left me.

And I am utterly forlorn without him. It's quite pathetic really. I've always considered myself a strong, confident, independent woman fully capable of being alone and not feel bereft. Turns out I was wrong. I haven't been sleeping well, I am eating all the wrong things, my face is breaking out like I've just turned thirteen (although I don't think I ever had any as a teenager), I have been drinking, having dinner with girlfriends and dropping C-bombs in public places.

It's this being married thing. It changes how you think much more than I ever gave it credit for. You expect the person you married to be around.

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But, no he's off...gallivanting halfway across the world playing footy. Yes, it's another International Cup and once again, he's left me to fend for myself and Mindy.

So as usual, I've come to realize how fundamental he is in my life. I rolled off the bed the second night he was gone, there was no usual barrier, you see. I can never find the things I need, I have to do the majority of the pre-cleaning before the cleaning lady comes...

The truth is, it was harder for me to let him go this time around. I don't know why. Perhaps because he's said that this will be his last international tournament and I am not there to see him play (although now that he's there, he's rethinking this idea), perhaps it's because this is the first year that he's actually gotten injured in the sport. The thing is I just MISS him. I miss talking to my best friend about whatever comes to mind, I miss our day to day banter, I miss lying next to him in bed.

And it doesn't seem fair that after the tournament that he's going to travel in New Zealand for a week. We had actually planned to get married in NZ the last tournament. That should be some rule about spouses traveling to places on the "list" without the other person in tow.

My only consolation is that Mindy is particularly enraged at his abandonment this time around and has proceeded to poop on every available item of Stefan's. She will hold her poop for a couple of days until I take something out of his (I'm packing) just to poop on it. All I can say is that there really is justice in this world and it's called Mindy's poop!